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When she looked up, the sky was grey, brackish with rusts and oily browns. The clouds hung low-- soggy, waterlogged creatures too heavy to float in such liquid oxygens. The greenish cast of the supposed sun scattered its debris across the ailing landscape. There was nothing here. Nothing. A path cut through, regardless. Like someone would be traveling out here along this unsung road of broken glass, tetanus wire, and rotten wood.

But she was. That's where she stood, her breath caught between two fence posts. Weak and overworked, the curve of her spine wilted into the weight and drag of her endless walk. She left no footsteps, only trace reminders that, oh god, she was tired. To either side of her teetering path, the dead were hanging. Animals. So many of them. They danced so completely still, caught in the wires, struggling to escape. They shivered when she did, quivered with the failing of her shallow breath. She tried to hold it. She couldn't. And so she walked with the click and clatter of trembling bones. This was the state of her miles. This would be the state of the miles to come.

Her feet were bleeding. She didn't remember why she'd left home barefoot.

Years and years she'd been alone on that path. The skeletons never moved, never changed. They just hung like radio static. Even when the wind blew dust from the trail into those wasted blue eyes, they hung. She burned, paper thin and torn to pieces.

When you are bound by nothing, you go beyond sorrow. You understand words and the stitching together of words and you want nothing more.

The clarity of her vision faded. The honesty of her sight left her, slowly, and she was left with the windstorm in her hair and a figure on the horizon.

She ran. Despite the shaking of her knees, she ran. She sacrificed her wellbeing for the chance at a word-- to be heard in this wasteland. Oh, she ran.

When she closed that mile she gasped for air. Screamed for the comfort of water, of word.

Please, she wailed. Say something. Say anything.

The figure hid herself in a sheet. Now something more than a silhouette, an illusion of silence and need, she moved. Regarded the trespasser, too proud to shiver.

She swallowed. They swallowed. Chapped. Dry.

Her body was crossed with deep trenches, stitched together with amateur twine. Some of the skin that covered her body was lukewarm, rotting, rotten. Other patches seemed rosy and alive. But her face, oh her face was so beautiful. Until she turned her head. Half her face was covered in a slab of putrid flesh that sagged around the bottom curve of her black, ruined eyeball.

She backed away, terrified and alone, but before she could run, they were one.

No matter what you do, I said you said I said, you will never be anything more than what I was when you found us.

Those patches of skin began to itch. They crawled like cockroaches running from the rain. Tickled and burned beneath her fingerprints. She had no choice but to scratch-- and it sloughed and it sloughed, pussed and ruptured and bled all over the dusty patch of radioactive earth she splattered with the infection of her fluids.

Then, all the bones dropped down.

And as much as I crave, none of me is ever you. You cannot be me. and I cannot be anyone to anyone but you.

Locke has learned to cry in silence so no one has to know who she's hiding.

Thank you for all that you have done.

Please. Please be quiet. Please, be quiet.
©2009 *mythchan
:iconmythchan:

Author's Comments

this is due monday. Go at it guys-- if it's not perfect, tell me so. :]

620 words or so.

edit: i put up the newest draft and disabled the critique function. It seems as though having it say "critique" in my watchers inboxes is discouraging people from looking, which is surprising to me.

Comments


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:iconrifa:
Beautiful as always, but, it doesn't feel as strong as your other work. It kinda feels incomplete in a way, the end felt a little rushed to me, when I reached the end I was surprised because it didn't feel done. But then again, thats just how I felt about it.

Aside from that, theres some fantastic imagery in this. Spinebone was more emotional where this one is more visual I think. I especially loved "To either side of her teetering path, the dead were hanging. Animals. So many of them...", that whole paragraph had me griped in. The writing is beautiful as always.

Due Monday? Are you in a writing class?

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[Nothing seems real, you soon will feel the world we live in is just another skald's dream in the shadows]
:iconneko-on-fire:
Another shockingly beautiful, painfully raw piece. I bow to you u.u

Every time I see a deviation from you in my inbox, I forget everything I'm doing so I can read it.

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BAWH?
:iconmythchan:
yeah, i have a short story class that i'm in currently. :]

the original draft of this (which was recent) was from a time when i was doing a lot of work that was heavy description of environment followed by simple statement of action. I think the original line it ended on was "Locke has learned to cry in silence so no one has to know." and that was it. What do you think would close it better? I have mixed feelings on the presence of the last two lines because of the original ending.


--

あなた
奇麗
素敵
嫌い
強い
弱い

:iconrifa:
If that lines comes after the third to last line, its completely the style I know you for. And I personally think that might end it better. The last two lines threw me off a bit when I read it, I think I looked at it twice to try and absorb it. But its up to you and whatever gets what you want expressed across.

I bet they love you in that class :3 The last writing class I took was in high school, it was really good but was lacking in techincal work. I really want to take another class sometime..

--
[Nothing seems real, you soon will feel the world we live in is just another skald's dream in the shadows]
:iconmythchan:
hmmm. i'll have to play with rearranging it. it's a contention between ending it stronger and ending the sequence of thought. xD i'm sure i can work it out though.

the professor likes my more minimal stuff, and the class is fun. :D


--

あなた
奇麗
素敵
嫌い
強い
弱い

:iconruin-hci:
I always really really love your writing and I always make it a priority to look at it before anything else in my messages when you upload them. :heart:

I really liked the imagery in this one. :heart: It was very easy to picture the sky and wasteland and the frailty of the character. I totally love desperate mood combined with the sickening surroundings like the dead animals and rotting skin.
My favourite line would have to be "When you are bound by nothing, you go beyond sorrow." ; I just thought that was lovely.

I personally didn't really think it sounded like it ended too abruptley, though it is a lot shorter than your previous work. Maybe the last line does kind of sound like there should be more, but I think you could make it sound more finalized just by adding 'now' so the last sentance reads "Please, be quiet now." Just a thought anyway. (:

--
Wait....what?

I am the self proclaimed Queen of the Chickens. :heart:
:iconmythchan:
hehe, the line you liked is actually a quote from the dhammapada. :] that book is a strong, strong piece of philosophy that colours my daily life.

That's an interesting suggestion for making the last line sound more final. Between the frailty of the character and the lack of definition between the two selves, I'm afraid of adding an imperative like "now" because it might make the statement sound like a command, if that makes sense.

Maybe if i reverse the sequence of the last line and end it with the one word Please as its own sentence it would help. Hm.


--

あなた
奇麗
素敵
嫌い
強い
弱い

:iconrifa:
You'll get it the way you want, I'm sure :3 Hope you get a good mark <3

--
[Nothing seems real, you soon will feel the world we live in is just another skald's dream in the shadows]
:iconmythchan:
thanks. :D

--

あなた
奇麗
素敵
嫌い
強い
弱い

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